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I just learned who Coleen Rooney is today, but I already know that Coleen is not just that bitch, she’s also that other bitch over there, that one behind you, that one from this morning, and most notably, that bitch who wishes a sucker would. The sucker in question is Rebekah Vardy , proving once again that you should never, ever, ever trust a Rebecca who spells her name with a K, let alone an H. Coleen and Rebekah are both WAGs, which is British for a footballer’s wife. I thought they were all named after different varietals of white wines, but apparently some of them are also Rebeccas with a K and an H.According to The Guardian, Coleen has been vexed by the venerated British tabloid The Sun. Apparently, it seemed to Coleen that she couldn’t take a shit without The Sun running an expos on its size, shape, and buoyancy. Coleen, who may be that bitch, but is most certainly not the one, had had enough of her personal business being sold to The Sun. And she had a feeling that fellow WAG Rebekah, was her rat. So she devised a plan to smoke her out that was so cunning, so bold, so petty, that the phrase “you got Rooney’d!” will probably become common shorthand for getting your ass handed to you in the most public way possible.Coleen Rooney has claimed to have caught another footballer’s wife passing her private information to the Sun, after apparently running an elaborate sting operation that involved placing false stories in the tabloid newspaper.Rooney, an online influencer who is married to the former England international Wayne Rooney, said she was forced to act after a series of posts on her private social media account appeared in the media. She has publicly accused Rebekah Vardy, the wife of fellow England footballer Jamie Vardy, of being the individual who was leaking the private information.Coleen’s genius plan is made even more delightful by the fact that it hinged on both Rebekah’s shameless duplicity and The Sun’s utter lack of journalistic integrity to work. And boy did it work.Rooney said in a statement: “For a few years now someone who I trusted to follow me on my personal Instagram account has been consistently informing the Sun newspaper of my private posts and stories. There has been so much information given to them about me, my friends and my family – all without my permission or knowledge.”After a long time of trying to figure out who it could be, for various reasons, I had a suspicion. To try and prove this I came with an idea. I blocked everyone from viewing my Instagram stories except one account. Rebekah took the bait and before you know it, Coleen’s fake stories were printed in real ink and available at every newsstand, chip shop, arts and crafts room, and birdcage that side of the Atlantic . The fake stories Coleen shared, and that The Sun printed, were that she and her husband had traveled to Mexico “to look into gender selection treatment” so she could have a daughter, that she was planning to appear on Strictly Come Dancing , and that the basement of her house had flooded .Coleen had what she needed to put the #1 Ladies Named LaToya Jackson Detective Agency out of business for good. But why stop there? Coleen’s coup de grce, her pice de rsistance, her swan song, chef’s kiss, cherry on top, was to post her findings on Instagram. View this post on Instagram This has been a burden in my life for a few years now and finally I have got to the bottom of it……A post shared by Coleen Rooney on Oct 9, 2019 at 2:29am PDTRebekah was so shaken by Coleen’s revelation, that the K and the H shot right out of her name. She’s just plain Becky now. View this post on Instagram Can’t believe I’m even having to write this. I’m pregnant & on holiday & am at a loss to why she would do this. I’m now having to take legal advice as I can’t deal with this stress myself when I’m this pregnant.A post shared by Becky Vardy on Oct 9, 2019 at 3:07am PDTBecky, your baby will be fine. Maternal humiliation is not known to cause birth defects. But maybe you can get The Sun to print that it is. Needless to say, Twitter is having a field day with this story.Everyone reading Coleen Rooney's tweet. pic.twitter.com/sxQ01ZyYrs— Kristian October 9, 2019When you get to the final line of Coleen Rooney's tweet: pic.twitter.com/wYbwy0TN2Q— Oddschecker October 9, 2019Rebekah Vardy scouring Colleen Rooney’s private Instagram for the next scoop pic.twitter.com/X1MvfbnVOC— Monopoly F****** Phonic! October 9, 2019Coleen Rooney coming up with new fake stories to trick Rebekah Vardy on Instagram. pic.twitter.com/PqJQ2AGc1v— josh October 9, 2019Meanwhile, The Sun’s got some splaaaainin’ to dooo.The Sun is currently racing to delete the 'fake stories' Coleen Rooney invented, that Rebekah Vardy allegedly sold. pic.twitter.com/obNYDhfxtV— it’s………..Ava-Santina October 9, 2019Here’s their official line :Each of the stories provided to The Sun was put to Coleen’s representatives before publication, and on each occasion they declined to comment.A Sun Spokesperson said: “Like all reputable media organisations, we don’t comment on sources.”And thus concludes today’s episode of Masterpiece Mystery. Join us next week when it’s revealed that Duchess Meghan also has a ghost Instagram account, and The Queen is the only one who follows it!Pics: Wenn.comDlisted

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